Starfish

So you wake up in a pandemic and everyone is rushing, rushing, rushing to get back to what our daily lives used to look like. And amidst this there’s this crushing feeling that you’re not safe. That everywhere I go there is a potential target on me. And then during a trial for a blatant murder of a Black man we witnessed the shooting of two more being shot and killed. A young father and a teenage son. The fear continues to escalate. Not only for myself but for the children that I have, that I love. But not only them. as an educator, for all the children that I’ve seen over the years and will continue to see in my career and I wonder will their lives be cut short because they are perceived to be a threat?

And then you wake up again and say wait a minute this is all a bad dream. But it’s not a dream. It’s actually what’s happening in the world right this very minute. Right now mothers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, children, daughters, sons, FAMILY are wondering could my family member be next?

We are very busy debating who’s wrong, why are police officers continuing to do this? Why are Black students disproportionately targeted for disciplinary issues? And the question that keeps coming up is what do we do about it??

What. do. WE. do. about. it.

When it seems that all of the protesting, all of the demonstrating, is not having a full impact on shifting the entire system. I’m reminded of the one starfish story, the one of the child that was throwing one starfish back into the ocean at a time with millions of them out there. But our starfish are not being saved in this example, they actually keep being thrown back out of the ocean. And we are the ones that keep witnessing it. And systems are made up of people. WE are the system. Stop pointing over there. It’s right here.

Living a life filled with fear and trauma, well there aren’t any words really to describe what that feels like. I’m afraid to walk around in certain neighborhoods because I could be targeted. I’m afraid to drive. I’m afraid for my kids to drive. I’m afraid to be. I’m afraid for my kids to simply be.

There are not enough words to describe what this feeling feels like. As I sit here in my camper and debate whether it’s safe for me to walk around the campground and take a hike by myself, not only because I am a woman alone, but mostly because I am Black. I’m not describing it so that you can understand or provide empathy or even sympathy. It is just a state of being. And this state of being takes a toll on you.

So back to the what are we going to do about it question. Personally, I’m going to continue to work to educate every person I encounter on what it means to see each person’s worth and value and humanity and to treat them as the precious, precious beings that they are. I’m going to work within the systems to dismantle, speak up, say what needs to be said and point it out every single time. Y’all have seen me do it. I’m not stopping that btw.

The Work requires that WE do something different and all of our same minds are having the same conversations, same arguments, same discussions without any different outcomes. We are hashing and rehashing the same conversation that’s been had for decades and centuries.

What’s going to be required is for people to actually DO something different. And by people I mean, White people, I mean police officers, I mean the folks who benefit the most from a system that continues to keep me in fear for my children and myself.

It is no longer okay to not speak up. Frankly, it hasn’t been okay forever. It requires more than speaking up now. It requires an active participation and stopping wrongs when you see them happening, stepping in, speaking up, “holding the pole” as Dr. Bettina Love says. If a conversation is being had about a student that is disparaging you have to stop that conversation. You have to ask where is that coming from. We have to probe deeper into things that seem to just be on the surface. We have to interrogate ourselves and our actions to see how WE are upholding the system that makes this okay.

I believe our community, this little village called Oak Park, has made a declaration that this is who we want to be. Now it is time for us to come together in solution, not rail against each other in social media posts.

The wisdom is in the collective. The answers we need require us listening more deeply, discussing more thoroughly, sharing more honestly, and it requires White people to do everything they can to shift the system. In all the ways.

Maybe this is hard for you to hear? Maybe this is just that statement that rubs you wrong and you think, “Wait I’m doing all the anti-racist work I can do! What more do you want from me Gina.” Well more is required.

More is required. To whom much is given much is required.

Have you contacted your legislators about ensuring that we are doing everything we can to make sure our police department is not behaving in activities that we see in the news everyday? Not sure if you have seen the reports about Black people being stopped in our community but we do have an issue here. I’ve experienced it, the Black men in my life have experienced it. Our Muslim neighbors have experienced it and there is data to show it.

Have you had a conversation with the white people in your circles asking them what they are actually doing to dismantle systemic racism and white supremacy culture?

Have you looked around in your meetings and thought “there’s no person of color here and I have no idea how to welcome them in and who could I talk to to ensure that that happens” and “how do I cross that bridge?” Have you invited your Black Indigenous and People of Color neighbors over for dinner in the backyard socially distanced?

There are just so many things that I can think of, but I know that you all could think of so many more. I know that together we can come up with real solutions. But that is not going to happen if we are debating each other in cyberspace versus walking into the real world and having conversations that ultimately change systems.

Yeah, I know this is a bit of a rant. But it’s just where I am today. And today is the day that we have. So I’m going to rest because taking time off from The Work is required because the ongoing trauma Is real. I’m not asking for a bunch of hearts and “I see you” in the comments I’m asking you to dissect this for yourself, personally and with your family and with your coworkers and with your friends. Because I don’t want any more starfish left out on the sand to die.